Tangled

I did not want to watch this movie. But my mom told me "This movie is different!" I belived it and watched it with her and Sadie. It started with the line "This is the story of how I died." When I heard that I thought "Wow....could this be an actual good Disney movie(I don't count the stuff they did with Pixar because I suspect that Pixar did most of the work). This movie was not good....not good at all. The songs are cheesy and honestly a computer animated musical just looks and comes off as really weird, in a bad way.

In the original Rapunzel story Rapunzel's name made more sense because her mother craved an herb named Rapunzel(thus the child's name was Rapunzel).Also the person who kept Rapunzel in the tower actually did so to keep her safe from the world (don't all moms do that to a point?), that just seems more noble to me.

There is a super distracting inconsistency with the length of Rapunzel's hair. First its almost a mile long, then suddenly it's only a couple feet long! It was distracting and such a simple mistake that little kids are probably noticing and bugging their parents about it("Why is her hair different mommy?") The hair issue is not the thing that bugs me the most though.

Disney movies tend to have a big impact on children. I grew up watching "The Little Mermaid", "Bambi" and "Alice in Wonderland". To this day I love the Ocean and think of it as a beautiful mysterious paradise,(until I remember BP) I think of the forest and the wilderness in general as a wonderful place that will one day replace cities once people stop abusing nature. As for "Alice in Wonderland"...... I space out often and I think up some realy wierd stuff:

Any way, my point is that kids watching this movie will be affected by it for a long time. What I picked up from this: Eighteen year old girls can have perfect romantic relationships with twenty-something year old guys who they barley know, If you shout at big scary people in a shady bar they will start to sing and Death is not real because blond hair magic can bring dead things back to life no matter what.....need I say anymore? Disney hasn't had a "real" protagonist death since Bambi. I know it was sad when Bambi's mother died, but it might help children learn about death and except it. In every other Disney movie I have seen only the bad guys die and that sends the wrong message. I guess that's just me though....Disney probably wanted people to buy the DVD, and Tangled wasn't good enough to get away with a protagonist death(again, something Bambi managed to do).

Another reason Bambi is way better is the final ending image, In the final scene of Bambi we see grown up Bambi silhouetted against the sunrise looking proudly down upon his offspring. In Tangled's final scene we see a drunk old man dressed as a cupid tied to some floating lanterns. I am not making this up! Watch the movie if you don't believe me!

That's all I have to say.

Autism: The Musical

I think this had the potential to be a pretty good movie. Unfortunately it wasn't. It was nice to see someone trying to help autistic kids, but she approached it(in my opinion)the wrong way. Also, the movie focused on the parents rather than the children. The moms kept going on and on and on about how "My husband left me when he was two" or "My husband had an affair" or "My husband moved out but keeps coming back for his stuff" etc etc etc. Obviously they can't interview most of the kids, but they at least could have tried to keep the parents talking about the kid when they interviewed them. Most of these things that they are griping about most likely didn't affect the kids that much due to the fact that the kids are mostly in their own world and are to young to care anyway(except for that one kid who liked to tell his mom and dad to kiss). Basically this movie reminded me of that reality show "Hoarders" where you see all of these super depressed people with super nasty houses and there's all of this stress that the hoarding is putting on the family and blah blah blah you get the picture. It's basically the kind of stuff that makes you feel scared enough that you buy junk food to comfort yourself, therapists to tell you whether or not you(or a family member or a friend)are screwed up and the medication that the therapist told you to buy.

The other problem I had with the movie was that the "Miracle Program" seemed to much like public school. They crammed a bunch of kids into one noisy room and left one person to deal with them all. That's the kind of thing that made my parents pull me out of public school. I could not learn in a noisy, crowded, distracting, overwhelming, irritating environment(also my last public school teacher said "You don't need to learn the periodic table of elements, the only elements are earth, air, water and fire. o_O ). I think the lady who started the "Miracle Program" had good intentions, but she could have done better. This might have helped the kids a little, but I still think they have a long way to go.

I also have a problem with the movie because I was expecting a comedy or something, maybe even an actual play?

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Where do I begin with this one?

First of all, this is probably not the Journey to the Center of the Earth movie you are thinking about, I haven't seen the other one but I know that this one was Directed by T.J. Scott(only because I looked it up, I don't keep track of these things otherwise) and it's a terrible movie.

I have tried to read "Lost World" and couldn't get past the first page without almost falling asleep, I tried "Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea" and I made it to chapter two maybe? I couldn't tell, a bunch of subs where sinking and maybe a sea thing was responsible. I expected the same result from the book that this movie is based on and named after, I now regret that and wish I had never seen this movie because it is a huge wast of time to watch and thus a waste of time and money to make.

You are probably tired of my lists by now. Lists are like the spark notes of my rants about bad movies, that's why I use them so much. Here's a list of why the movie stinks worse than a pile of feces.

1. It begins with obnoxiously loud pirate music playing while the camera with a yellow filter that's way too yellow pans over a table with a bunch of exploring/paleontologist gear(a compass, a telescope, rope, a journal, a pick, a fossil brush and a bunch of other junk) that apparently someone just dropped on the table without any thought on how they could use this table for anything besides being a place to keep a mess. Instead of doing that they could have showed the inside of a museum, a book on prehistoric earth, some articles, something that could give you a gist of the plot besides the fact that there will be exploring, there might be a cave and the main characters do not clean up after themselves.

2. We spend forever following these super boring people do something that has to do with finding this lady's husband when he's been gone for years. Eventually they find a guy that will lead them to the mine where the husband was last seen. Oh, and the guy who is leading them to the mine is the brother of the guy who lead the husband to the mine.

3. On arriving to the center of the Earth, first the lady drinks the water of the lake without any

concern for:bacteria, spores, dirt, or animal feces. Then again, this takes place in the time when bathes where considered unsanitary and tin nipples on bottles where thought to be good for babies. After making a quick observation that the water is "slightly warm and salty" she starts striping down and goes for a swim FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER! You said yourself that the lake was slightly warm and salty, for all you know that could be poison, bacteria or even urine. Oh, and since you also said that this place was unchanged since prehistoric times you might want to think about not feeding offering yourself up to any creature swimming around in the very big and deep pee lake.

4. When they finally find the lady's husband(I just remembered that his name is Edward) he acts like a complete A-hole to everyone because he's spent the last few years being God to a tribe of primitive people and hanging around with the priestess. Then when he loses his God-hood because he bled in front of anyone(if that sounded like I said he had a Period that's not what I meant, he got a minor cut on his hand)everybody has to abandon the center of the Earth even though the ex-God could have just talked to them and worked out a compromise(We will apologize then go away forever if you don't kill us).

5. It ends the same way it began. With obnoxiously loud pirate music and messy cluttered table.

The movie blows, that's what I'm trying to say. Also the only prehistoric beasts in the entire movie was a flock of pterodactyls and some giant tentacles I can only assume where part of a larger animal.

The Social Network

I liked this movie. I didn't understand the legal parts until after the movie ended and I had some time to think it over, but I still enjoyed it. It's kind of weird thinking of Facebook as something someone created relatively recently rather than just a convenient thing that has always existed and always will. Though the movie was inaccurate(says the Blogger who knows nothing about the origins of Facebook)it was still a good movie. Let me stress this: It was a good MOVIE, not: It was a very accurate documentary about Facebook and the people who created and helped make it happen. I could whine about how "The Directors made everything up" or something like that, but I won't. By and large I watch movies for to be entertained, no one ever said The Social network was a documentary. In fact, I looked up the movie on Wikipedia and the first line is: The Social Network is a 2010 drama film about the founding of the social networking website Facebook and the resulting lawsuits. Anyway, The Social network is a good movie. There was one part I found really funny(even though no one probably intended it to be). The part where they make a big deal about how Mark's friend made a chicken eat chicken soup and called it "forced cannibalism". I'm pretty sure no one shoved chicken down the chicken's throat, I don't think it even cared what it was eating just as long as it was small enough to fit in it's beak.

Hercules(saw it only because we put it on for my little sister)

I was going to do a review on "The Last Airbender" but this movie was so annoyingly stupid that I needed to say what was bugging me about it before I started ranting. The first problem that comes to mind is well, how can I put this? THE ENTIRE DANG PLOT!!! The plot is that Hades wants to overthrow Zeus(sound familiar?). When his chance to do so will arrive in eighteen years(the time when the location of the evil Titans is revealed)Hercules is destined to defeat him in battle. So Hades sends his minions Pain and Panic to turn baby Hercules mortal and then kill him. But then they fail to make Hercules drink the entire bottle of anti-immortality potion. Thus Hercules is mortal, has Godlike-strength and cannot return to Mount Olympus until he proves himself as a Hero. Does it sound like a good enough plot? Let me point out the big flaw. This flaw, to me simply jumps out of the movie and screams in my face "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE MOVIE!!!"

Here are the two biggest problems:

1.The Gods want Hercules to come back, but he can't come to Olympus if he's mortal. The Gods are GODS! They can do whatever the heck they want! They could have made the world out of Jello and made Cabbage Moths the dominant species! Why can't the Gods turn one Mortal into an Immortal?

2.If Hades has some anti-immortality potion lying around, why doesn't he just slip it into Zeus's wine while he's not looking? It's simple logic. Like this: I have a sandwich. I am hungry. I will place a piece of sandwich in my mouth, chew and swallow. To make the hunger go away, I repeat step three until the sandwich is gone.

One last thing is bugging me, Hercules's girlfriend sounds like she has something up her nose. To listen to her voice is like hearing a screeching car in the distance only it doesn't ever fade away.

Ice Age 3

What a movie. It may be number three, but it still smells like number two.

Turning Ice Age into a trilogy was a big mistake! Ice Age one was brilliant, Ice Age two was decent and three is terrible!

In movie one Many was a lonesome stranger with a mysterious past, in movie three he is a Homer Simpson like ignorant father. In movie one Sid was a funny, desperate sloth who tags along with Many, in movie three he is a gender confused sloth who is trying to mother three members of a long extinct species. Diego in movie one is a ruthless smilodon (that's science talk for saber toothed cat) who's good side is exposed as he leads Many, Sid and the human baby to the rest of his pack, in movie three he is a reckless thrill seeker who only returns to the Herd when the gigantic carnivorous monster kidnaps Sid. Need I say any more? Whats that? I do? Alright then.

In movie one the plot was good enough to make anything scientifically inaccurate(of which there where few)so subtle that it took me years to notice them. The dinosaurs however, are way too much! They don't even look like real dinosaurs! They look like a paleontologist's drug hallucination! And why would a slow herbivore who is most likely really stupid be attacking a bunch of strange mammals( am referring to the scene when they all see the Dino-World for the first time). I think that's enough to lower the stars on this one...

Charlotte's Web (old animated version)

This movie is so whiny! Fern:"Papa! Don't kill the pig" Wilbur:"I don't wanna die!" These may look like reasonable things to whine about in type, but if you hear it in the movie you'll see what I mean. And most of the songs are cornball.

This movie is also based off a book. I don't mind movies based off of books if they are well-made, this however is terrible!

All in all, this movie is only good for keeping my little sister from destroying the house(and that's not even working anymore).