Tangled

I did not want to watch this movie. But my mom told me "This movie is different!" I belived it and watched it with her and Sadie. It started with the line "This is the story of how I died." When I heard that I thought "Wow....could this be an actual good Disney movie(I don't count the stuff they did with Pixar because I suspect that Pixar did most of the work). This movie was not good....not good at all. The songs are cheesy and honestly a computer animated musical just looks and comes off as really weird, in a bad way.

In the original Rapunzel story Rapunzel's name made more sense because her mother craved an herb named Rapunzel(thus the child's name was Rapunzel).Also the person who kept Rapunzel in the tower actually did so to keep her safe from the world (don't all moms do that to a point?), that just seems more noble to me.

There is a super distracting inconsistency with the length of Rapunzel's hair. First its almost a mile long, then suddenly it's only a couple feet long! It was distracting and such a simple mistake that little kids are probably noticing and bugging their parents about it("Why is her hair different mommy?") The hair issue is not the thing that bugs me the most though.

Disney movies tend to have a big impact on children. I grew up watching "The Little Mermaid", "Bambi" and "Alice in Wonderland". To this day I love the Ocean and think of it as a beautiful mysterious paradise,(until I remember BP) I think of the forest and the wilderness in general as a wonderful place that will one day replace cities once people stop abusing nature. As for "Alice in Wonderland"...... I space out often and I think up some realy wierd stuff:

Any way, my point is that kids watching this movie will be affected by it for a long time. What I picked up from this: Eighteen year old girls can have perfect romantic relationships with twenty-something year old guys who they barley know, If you shout at big scary people in a shady bar they will start to sing and Death is not real because blond hair magic can bring dead things back to life no matter what.....need I say anymore? Disney hasn't had a "real" protagonist death since Bambi. I know it was sad when Bambi's mother died, but it might help children learn about death and except it. In every other Disney movie I have seen only the bad guys die and that sends the wrong message. I guess that's just me though....Disney probably wanted people to buy the DVD, and Tangled wasn't good enough to get away with a protagonist death(again, something Bambi managed to do).

Another reason Bambi is way better is the final ending image, In the final scene of Bambi we see grown up Bambi silhouetted against the sunrise looking proudly down upon his offspring. In Tangled's final scene we see a drunk old man dressed as a cupid tied to some floating lanterns. I am not making this up! Watch the movie if you don't believe me!

That's all I have to say.

Autism: The Musical

I think this had the potential to be a pretty good movie. Unfortunately it wasn't. It was nice to see someone trying to help autistic kids, but she approached it(in my opinion)the wrong way. Also, the movie focused on the parents rather than the children. The moms kept going on and on and on about how "My husband left me when he was two" or "My husband had an affair" or "My husband moved out but keeps coming back for his stuff" etc etc etc. Obviously they can't interview most of the kids, but they at least could have tried to keep the parents talking about the kid when they interviewed them. Most of these things that they are griping about most likely didn't affect the kids that much due to the fact that the kids are mostly in their own world and are to young to care anyway(except for that one kid who liked to tell his mom and dad to kiss). Basically this movie reminded me of that reality show "Hoarders" where you see all of these super depressed people with super nasty houses and there's all of this stress that the hoarding is putting on the family and blah blah blah you get the picture. It's basically the kind of stuff that makes you feel scared enough that you buy junk food to comfort yourself, therapists to tell you whether or not you(or a family member or a friend)are screwed up and the medication that the therapist told you to buy.

The other problem I had with the movie was that the "Miracle Program" seemed to much like public school. They crammed a bunch of kids into one noisy room and left one person to deal with them all. That's the kind of thing that made my parents pull me out of public school. I could not learn in a noisy, crowded, distracting, overwhelming, irritating environment(also my last public school teacher said "You don't need to learn the periodic table of elements, the only elements are earth, air, water and fire. o_O ). I think the lady who started the "Miracle Program" had good intentions, but she could have done better. This might have helped the kids a little, but I still think they have a long way to go.

I also have a problem with the movie because I was expecting a comedy or something, maybe even an actual play?

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Where do I begin with this one?

First of all, this is probably not the Journey to the Center of the Earth movie you are thinking about, I haven't seen the other one but I know that this one was Directed by T.J. Scott(only because I looked it up, I don't keep track of these things otherwise) and it's a terrible movie.

I have tried to read "Lost World" and couldn't get past the first page without almost falling asleep, I tried "Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea" and I made it to chapter two maybe? I couldn't tell, a bunch of subs where sinking and maybe a sea thing was responsible. I expected the same result from the book that this movie is based on and named after, I now regret that and wish I had never seen this movie because it is a huge wast of time to watch and thus a waste of time and money to make.

You are probably tired of my lists by now. Lists are like the spark notes of my rants about bad movies, that's why I use them so much. Here's a list of why the movie stinks worse than a pile of feces.

1. It begins with obnoxiously loud pirate music playing while the camera with a yellow filter that's way too yellow pans over a table with a bunch of exploring/paleontologist gear(a compass, a telescope, rope, a journal, a pick, a fossil brush and a bunch of other junk) that apparently someone just dropped on the table without any thought on how they could use this table for anything besides being a place to keep a mess. Instead of doing that they could have showed the inside of a museum, a book on prehistoric earth, some articles, something that could give you a gist of the plot besides the fact that there will be exploring, there might be a cave and the main characters do not clean up after themselves.

2. We spend forever following these super boring people do something that has to do with finding this lady's husband when he's been gone for years. Eventually they find a guy that will lead them to the mine where the husband was last seen. Oh, and the guy who is leading them to the mine is the brother of the guy who lead the husband to the mine.

3. On arriving to the center of the Earth, first the lady drinks the water of the lake without any

concern for:bacteria, spores, dirt, or animal feces. Then again, this takes place in the time when bathes where considered unsanitary and tin nipples on bottles where thought to be good for babies. After making a quick observation that the water is "slightly warm and salty" she starts striping down and goes for a swim FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER! You said yourself that the lake was slightly warm and salty, for all you know that could be poison, bacteria or even urine. Oh, and since you also said that this place was unchanged since prehistoric times you might want to think about not feeding offering yourself up to any creature swimming around in the very big and deep pee lake.

4. When they finally find the lady's husband(I just remembered that his name is Edward) he acts like a complete A-hole to everyone because he's spent the last few years being God to a tribe of primitive people and hanging around with the priestess. Then when he loses his God-hood because he bled in front of anyone(if that sounded like I said he had a Period that's not what I meant, he got a minor cut on his hand)everybody has to abandon the center of the Earth even though the ex-God could have just talked to them and worked out a compromise(We will apologize then go away forever if you don't kill us).

5. It ends the same way it began. With obnoxiously loud pirate music and messy cluttered table.

The movie blows, that's what I'm trying to say. Also the only prehistoric beasts in the entire movie was a flock of pterodactyls and some giant tentacles I can only assume where part of a larger animal.

The Social Network

I liked this movie. I didn't understand the legal parts until after the movie ended and I had some time to think it over, but I still enjoyed it. It's kind of weird thinking of Facebook as something someone created relatively recently rather than just a convenient thing that has always existed and always will. Though the movie was inaccurate(says the Blogger who knows nothing about the origins of Facebook)it was still a good movie. Let me stress this: It was a good MOVIE, not: It was a very accurate documentary about Facebook and the people who created and helped make it happen. I could whine about how "The Directors made everything up" or something like that, but I won't. By and large I watch movies for to be entertained, no one ever said The Social network was a documentary. In fact, I looked up the movie on Wikipedia and the first line is: The Social Network is a 2010 drama film about the founding of the social networking website Facebook and the resulting lawsuits. Anyway, The Social network is a good movie. There was one part I found really funny(even though no one probably intended it to be). The part where they make a big deal about how Mark's friend made a chicken eat chicken soup and called it "forced cannibalism". I'm pretty sure no one shoved chicken down the chicken's throat, I don't think it even cared what it was eating just as long as it was small enough to fit in it's beak.

Hercules(saw it only because we put it on for my little sister)

I was going to do a review on "The Last Airbender" but this movie was so annoyingly stupid that I needed to say what was bugging me about it before I started ranting. The first problem that comes to mind is well, how can I put this? THE ENTIRE DANG PLOT!!! The plot is that Hades wants to overthrow Zeus(sound familiar?). When his chance to do so will arrive in eighteen years(the time when the location of the evil Titans is revealed)Hercules is destined to defeat him in battle. So Hades sends his minions Pain and Panic to turn baby Hercules mortal and then kill him. But then they fail to make Hercules drink the entire bottle of anti-immortality potion. Thus Hercules is mortal, has Godlike-strength and cannot return to Mount Olympus until he proves himself as a Hero. Does it sound like a good enough plot? Let me point out the big flaw. This flaw, to me simply jumps out of the movie and screams in my face "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE MOVIE!!!"

Here are the two biggest problems:

1.The Gods want Hercules to come back, but he can't come to Olympus if he's mortal. The Gods are GODS! They can do whatever the heck they want! They could have made the world out of Jello and made Cabbage Moths the dominant species! Why can't the Gods turn one Mortal into an Immortal?

2.If Hades has some anti-immortality potion lying around, why doesn't he just slip it into Zeus's wine while he's not looking? It's simple logic. Like this: I have a sandwich. I am hungry. I will place a piece of sandwich in my mouth, chew and swallow. To make the hunger go away, I repeat step three until the sandwich is gone.

One last thing is bugging me, Hercules's girlfriend sounds like she has something up her nose. To listen to her voice is like hearing a screeching car in the distance only it doesn't ever fade away.

Ice Age 3

What a movie. It may be number three, but it still smells like number two.

Turning Ice Age into a trilogy was a big mistake! Ice Age one was brilliant, Ice Age two was decent and three is terrible!

In movie one Many was a lonesome stranger with a mysterious past, in movie three he is a Homer Simpson like ignorant father. In movie one Sid was a funny, desperate sloth who tags along with Many, in movie three he is a gender confused sloth who is trying to mother three members of a long extinct species. Diego in movie one is a ruthless smilodon (that's science talk for saber toothed cat) who's good side is exposed as he leads Many, Sid and the human baby to the rest of his pack, in movie three he is a reckless thrill seeker who only returns to the Herd when the gigantic carnivorous monster kidnaps Sid. Need I say any more? Whats that? I do? Alright then.

In movie one the plot was good enough to make anything scientifically inaccurate(of which there where few)so subtle that it took me years to notice them. The dinosaurs however, are way too much! They don't even look like real dinosaurs! They look like a paleontologist's drug hallucination! And why would a slow herbivore who is most likely really stupid be attacking a bunch of strange mammals( am referring to the scene when they all see the Dino-World for the first time). I think that's enough to lower the stars on this one...

Charlotte's Web (old animated version)

This movie is so whiny! Fern:"Papa! Don't kill the pig" Wilbur:"I don't wanna die!" These may look like reasonable things to whine about in type, but if you hear it in the movie you'll see what I mean. And most of the songs are cornball.

This movie is also based off a book. I don't mind movies based off of books if they are well-made, this however is terrible!

All in all, this movie is only good for keeping my little sister from destroying the house(and that's not even working anymore).

Diary of a wimpy kid

Oh my gosh! This movie makes me SOOOOO glad i'm not in public school!

This movie strikes me as a family comedy,(duh) in witch we follow the early middle school days of Greg Hensley a.k.a "the wimpy kid". For me, what makes this movie funny is that some of the exaggerations in this movie are probably closer to the truth than one would think. For example, the "Cheese Touch". The legend of said cheese goes something like this: apparently it came out of nowhere. It just appeared on the blacktop by the field. Then one day, some kid called Darren touched it (this is where some girl screams "Darren touched the cheese!") and everyone runs away from him. The only way to get rid of the cheese touch is to pass it on to someone else. Eventually, it got passed on to a foreign student called Dieter Muller. When his family moved back to Düsseldorf Germany, he took the "Cheese Touch" with him.....

I would be surprised if there wasn't some variation of the "Cheese Touch" in every public school(in this tale there is also a mention of "Radioactive Cooties" huh?).

All in all I liked the movie, except the awful big brother. Just because someone is an older sibling, does not automatically make them a total jerk!!! I am an older sister to two sisters and a brother. I am not a jerk, I play them and read them books of their choice when they are injured(or when they're not). I like to think of myself as a decent big sister.

Cloudy with a chance of meatballs

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. Anyway, I don't want to have to type Cloudy with a chance of meatballs every time I mention said movie, so i will just call it CWCM for short.

I've seen some pretty strange movies, but i'm almost positive that someone was on drugs when they wrote this one. CWCM is psychotic even by children's movie standards. Some of the scenes seem like they would be super scary to a kid. A great example would be the scene where after the giant roast chicken eats some guy, and then it starts to twitch like somebody with an Alien parasite about to burst out of their gut! I just put this on for my little sister Sadie. I'm sorry if it seems like this post was cut short, but I had to stop to help my mom with the Halloween costume and lost my train of thought. If you want a clip just copy and paste the following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DRZLJzzHls Want another? Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8xFbWLUDoQ&feature=related I can't think of anything else to say. Honestly, what else is there to say?

Legend of the Guardians the Owls of Ga'Hoole

What a pleasure it was, walking down to the theater, eight pieces of a Hershey's Symphony bar hidden in my pocket, about to see Legend of the Guardians. After watching the before movie adds about various businesses in Angels Camp, Adds for new movies (including a 3-D Yogi Bear movie! Yes, a 3-D Yogi Bear movie,). And one short film starring Wile-E coyote, the Road Runner and Two government owned heat-seeking missiles, I was ready to see what Hollywood did with one of my favorite book series. My patience was rewarded with one of the most epic films since Star Wars Return of the Jedi! The CG used in this movie was exceptional, and in 3-D! The battles where incredible! You have not seen a battle unless you have seen armies of owls attacking each other in midair with metal claws! The parts in Slow-Mo that where inches away from the metal sheathed talons of the Pure Ones and the Guardians where very intense! But there is more to this movie than battles. The beginning scene in Soren's hollow when he was playing with his little sister was sweet. I bet my mom would have loved that part. There is also the scene where they reach the tree of Ga'Hoole and train to become Guardians. The whole movie was beautiful despite it being based off the first three books in the series. And as a bonus, there was Owl City music in the movie, and the Credits!

Happily N'Ever After

As the title may suggest, this is a movie where the "Happily Ever After" stories get turned upside down!I don't think this is "Cheesy", but this movie was most likely intended for a younger audience.

My little sister was the one who wanted this move, I just stuck around so I could have new blogging material. This movie had it's laugh out loud moments, especially when Robin saw the "Handsome Prince" and asked "Is that a man?" I'm not kidding! After assuring her that he is a guy she replied "Wow, I guess the Prince is a drag queen!" By the way, he wasn't dressed in girl clothes. It was just the hair. Another LOL moment came when Cinderella's stepsisters are arguing over who gets to use the perfume first,(each sister saying that she smells bad and thus needs perfume) then Robin came in the room right when one of the sisters shouted "I smell like a dead pig!" Though I had some laughs, I could never forget to poke some fun at a movie! The trolls looked like Smurfs on steroids wearing little rabbit ears! And of course there was (this being a fairy-tale movie and fairy-tale movies are automatically required to have romance) a cheesy romantic song in which the same line over and over again.....ugh! In case you are wondering, the line was "Do I get what I want, do I want what I get?" This line referring to the Cinderella's choice between the "Handsome" Prince who does the Prince thing (literally) by the book, and the dish washing boy who actually likes her. Blech! Big, big Ewwww! I really really hate romance mushy stuff, who doesn't?

The little mermaid

My God! I forgot how annoying Ariel's voice sounded! Oh, right......Movie review, not song review. My memory is a little fuzzy when it comes to the plot and stuff. So I will type the review as the movie plays(I put it on for my little sister Sadie). On the Storm scene......very dramatic...I like this part, the suspense! The ship is on fire and falling apart!!! I have to hand it to Disney, when they're not sexist they are pretty good! But Arel's voice continues to be super annoying! Oh God she's so girlie! Oooooh! Under the Sea! Awesome! The only song worth listening to in this movie! You know...I think this movie is the reason I think the Ocean is so awesome! The music is over, bummer. Sebastian is about to blow it(by witch I mean blab about Ariel in love with a human). He blew it. Her Dad just found her collection of people junk. Aw gees! Why does Disney have to paint parents as the bad guys? The part where the Eels tempt Ariel to come to the Ursala is pretty cool. Who ever did their voices s very talented! Maybe this movie isn't as bad as I thought. Come to think of it, I think the only thing wrong with it is the annoying voice of Ariel! The rest of the movie is great! Especially Ursala's musical number! Oh yeah, and the story is is based on an old story that was around for hundreds of years before movies! all in all this is OK. I'm not going to stoop down to making a negative review just because it's a Disney movie that's not The Lion King. By the way, sorry about the comic. I messed up with the uploading images and got that thing by mistake.

Clash of the Titans

Clash of the Titans, where do I start? First of all, this is the only movie that simultaneously felt like it was five minutes and six months. Secondly, why is Hades the bad guy? Sure he's the God of Death and the underworld, but that doesn't make him evil!!! Third, when Cassiopeia insult Aphrodite you'd think that the Goddess would take care of her herself, but noooo, Hades the GOD has to do a GODDESSES work for her. Come to think of it, none of the Gods besides Zeus and Hades actually did anything besides saying one or two things and sitting in the background. Also, the scene where they find the evil guy who tried to kill perseus when he was a baby, can someone explain how they went from a thriving forest to a desert without a tree for miles around? Finely, I know Zeus is a God, But does he really need a spacesuit?

All in all, not the best remake. Although I do think they made an improvement on the Pegasus, Medusa and the three witches.

Clue

A few years before I saw this movie I heard that It didn't do well in theaters, I feel sorry for those who agree with that firs audience.

This movie should be classified as a comedy/mystery. The beginning and the end where the funniest parts, especially the part near the end where the butler is running around the house explaining how everything happened while everybOdy is trying desperately to keep up!

Maybe the reason people didn't like it was the the multiple endings. I'm not sure how they played it in theaters but when I saw it I was given two options, to play the movie and see one randomly selected ending out of three, or to see the movie and at the end it would play all three endings in a row and say "That's what could have happened." and "This is what really happened." between endings.

All in all, this movie is excellent in my opinion, but may have been a bit to strange for those first few who saw it in theaters.

Delgo

This movie was strange yet enjoyable, almost. The plot was old and over-used, The animation was trying to be original but came off as cheesy(especially the "dinosaur people" and "Fairies") . The end was cut felt like it was cut short, and the bad guy who was stabbed in the chest with a sword lives to (unsuccessfully) attempt to kill Delgo and princess whats-her-name with an arrow.Why did the good guy who was shot in the side with an arrow die when the bad guy lived to be a bad guy? Why couldn't this movie have original ideas to go with the original(but still cheesy) animation? Somehow old plots with new graphics cheapens the whole movie even more than old plots and old graphics! It wan't even my idea to watch this. My little brother and sister were watching it and I was told there where aliens in it so I thought I could just stick around. And lastly, I can't tell if this movie was Sci-Fi or Fantasy.

Where The Wild Things Are

This movie is really,really,really weird. This is even weirder than The Imaginarium of Parnassus . I just didn't understand what the movie was saying. Was it trying to be sweet? Was there a moral? Is this movie just a make-of-it-what-you-will kind of movie? I'm competly confused! At first this movie looks like it's supposed to be sweet. Then it starts getting scary,then sweet,and back to scary. And also, I think that all of those movie writers out there are starting to run out of ideas. If you want proof, just look at some movies. First, they make Planet 51, a movie with the same plot as E.T. ( except a human is trying to go home). There are now countless movies that are just remakes of other movies or books on screen with a lot of tweaks here and there ( but the basic storyline is still someone else's idea). Now they are making Mcgruber into a movie! Come on people, show some imagination! Sure everyone likes Mcgruber, but it's a skit for crying out loud! I'm not saying don't make the movie, but don't expect any points for originality. In short, the wild things movie is weird, and imagination is dead amongst movie writers.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

I didn't like the movie. Not one bit. When it wasn't boring it was confusing,and when it wasn't confusing or boring it was like some kind of twisted nightmare. I think perhaps this movie was aimed at an older audience. I don't have much else to say.

My little sister Elie says that " I didn't like the part where the man fell in a puddle and his face changed, I didn't like the part where the giant hand picked up the man and I didn't like the giant tack. I did like that daughter of the old man, the mirror and the old man." My little brother Izzy said "It wasn't as exciting as I thought." He did like "When he walked with the ladder,like stilts. And I liked the end." I didn't like anything.

As far as I know, my Mom has not seen this movie. Thus I do not expect her to post anything.

Fern Gully

I remember watching this movie when I was little. I enjoyed it then and I still enjoy it now. I like how both the main characters are completely clueless ( Zak being clueless about the rain forest and how it is important to everyone and Crysta being clueless about how humans communicate, thus she constantly misunderstands what Zak is saying). This movie has a nice moral to it, mixed in with catchy music, humor and the happy ending. In other words, I give this movie five stars.

Sherlock Holmes

The only word I can find to describe this movie is one simple two syllable word, witty. That's right folks! This amazingly fantastic movie filled to the brim with clever dialog, cold logic, heartless power hungry villains and a splash or two of smart humor, reduced to a single simple word. Witty. I cannot find any flaws except one small little speck of imperfection, Sherlock Holmes is smart...to smart. My friend James said, quote "If someone farted in a room Sherlock Holmes could find him." Oh, I almost forgot! As I was watching the part where Sherlock was explaining to Watson and Adler(Sherlock's girlfriend) the motive behind the murder ( the lion+ eagle+ox=sphinx part) I thought "Sheesh! Sherlock, you have to keep in mind no one else is as smart as you are. You are the only one who could possibly make these connections. These murders could just be a coincidence." Anyway. This is a good movie. I recommend it to anyone who likes to see cool ways of solving crime and incapacitating your enemies.

Planet 51

Since the last movie I blogged about was very good, I thought that it would be appropriate to blog about a cheesy movie now.

Why is planet 51 cheesy? You might ask, if you have seen it you might think it nothing more than a nice family movie to use to distract the kids wile you do some incredibly long and boring task that is very difficult to do if you are constantly distracted by bored whiny little kids. In that case you are WRONG!!! This movie is so cheesy that I am having a hard time even comprehending how bad it is! let me give you a list of the things that really got under my skin!

1. The "humor" was amazingly cheesy.

2.The plot was mindbogglingly familiar with that pathetic "human coming to an aliens planet" twist. Why pathetic? I see this as a sign that the movie writers were running out of ideas and one of them said " let's take an incredibly old and predictable plot that everyone has seen, tweak it here and there and make a movie out of it!" and somehow I get the feeling that that was soon followed by someone else saying "That is the perfect way to squeeze out what little money people have left into our bank accounts so I can finally buy all of those incredibly unnecessary and expensive things that I want."

3. I know that this is a bit harsh, but NOTHING in that movie was even vaguely scientifically possible! Examples: Aliens and humans speaking exactly the same language, An ordinary chemical space craft going all the way to another solar system in enough time so the astronaut wasn't dead by the time he got there,The atmosphere and gravity is similar enough to ours that an astronaut can survive without a space suit and the fact that the aliens were identical to humans in culture, language and are VERY similar to humans in physiology( think about it for a sec, how many different types of life could be out there and what are the chances of a species that similar to us?). To make a long blog short, I think this movie is worse than hot roasted poop! smell you later!