Tangled

I did not want to watch this movie. But my mom told me "This movie is different!" I belived it and watched it with her and Sadie. It started with the line "This is the story of how I died." When I heard that I thought "Wow....could this be an actual good Disney movie(I don't count the stuff they did with Pixar because I suspect that Pixar did most of the work). This movie was not good....not good at all. The songs are cheesy and honestly a computer animated musical just looks and comes off as really weird, in a bad way.

In the original Rapunzel story Rapunzel's name made more sense because her mother craved an herb named Rapunzel(thus the child's name was Rapunzel).Also the person who kept Rapunzel in the tower actually did so to keep her safe from the world (don't all moms do that to a point?), that just seems more noble to me.

There is a super distracting inconsistency with the length of Rapunzel's hair. First its almost a mile long, then suddenly it's only a couple feet long! It was distracting and such a simple mistake that little kids are probably noticing and bugging their parents about it("Why is her hair different mommy?") The hair issue is not the thing that bugs me the most though.

Disney movies tend to have a big impact on children. I grew up watching "The Little Mermaid", "Bambi" and "Alice in Wonderland". To this day I love the Ocean and think of it as a beautiful mysterious paradise,(until I remember BP) I think of the forest and the wilderness in general as a wonderful place that will one day replace cities once people stop abusing nature. As for "Alice in Wonderland"...... I space out often and I think up some realy wierd stuff:

Any way, my point is that kids watching this movie will be affected by it for a long time. What I picked up from this: Eighteen year old girls can have perfect romantic relationships with twenty-something year old guys who they barley know, If you shout at big scary people in a shady bar they will start to sing and Death is not real because blond hair magic can bring dead things back to life no matter what.....need I say anymore? Disney hasn't had a "real" protagonist death since Bambi. I know it was sad when Bambi's mother died, but it might help children learn about death and except it. In every other Disney movie I have seen only the bad guys die and that sends the wrong message. I guess that's just me though....Disney probably wanted people to buy the DVD, and Tangled wasn't good enough to get away with a protagonist death(again, something Bambi managed to do).

Another reason Bambi is way better is the final ending image, In the final scene of Bambi we see grown up Bambi silhouetted against the sunrise looking proudly down upon his offspring. In Tangled's final scene we see a drunk old man dressed as a cupid tied to some floating lanterns. I am not making this up! Watch the movie if you don't believe me!

That's all I have to say.

Hercules(saw it only because we put it on for my little sister)

I was going to do a review on "The Last Airbender" but this movie was so annoyingly stupid that I needed to say what was bugging me about it before I started ranting. The first problem that comes to mind is well, how can I put this? THE ENTIRE DANG PLOT!!! The plot is that Hades wants to overthrow Zeus(sound familiar?). When his chance to do so will arrive in eighteen years(the time when the location of the evil Titans is revealed)Hercules is destined to defeat him in battle. So Hades sends his minions Pain and Panic to turn baby Hercules mortal and then kill him. But then they fail to make Hercules drink the entire bottle of anti-immortality potion. Thus Hercules is mortal, has Godlike-strength and cannot return to Mount Olympus until he proves himself as a Hero. Does it sound like a good enough plot? Let me point out the big flaw. This flaw, to me simply jumps out of the movie and screams in my face "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE MOVIE!!!"

Here are the two biggest problems:

1.The Gods want Hercules to come back, but he can't come to Olympus if he's mortal. The Gods are GODS! They can do whatever the heck they want! They could have made the world out of Jello and made Cabbage Moths the dominant species! Why can't the Gods turn one Mortal into an Immortal?

2.If Hades has some anti-immortality potion lying around, why doesn't he just slip it into Zeus's wine while he's not looking? It's simple logic. Like this: I have a sandwich. I am hungry. I will place a piece of sandwich in my mouth, chew and swallow. To make the hunger go away, I repeat step three until the sandwich is gone.

One last thing is bugging me, Hercules's girlfriend sounds like she has something up her nose. To listen to her voice is like hearing a screeching car in the distance only it doesn't ever fade away.

Ice Age 3

What a movie. It may be number three, but it still smells like number two.

Turning Ice Age into a trilogy was a big mistake! Ice Age one was brilliant, Ice Age two was decent and three is terrible!

In movie one Many was a lonesome stranger with a mysterious past, in movie three he is a Homer Simpson like ignorant father. In movie one Sid was a funny, desperate sloth who tags along with Many, in movie three he is a gender confused sloth who is trying to mother three members of a long extinct species. Diego in movie one is a ruthless smilodon (that's science talk for saber toothed cat) who's good side is exposed as he leads Many, Sid and the human baby to the rest of his pack, in movie three he is a reckless thrill seeker who only returns to the Herd when the gigantic carnivorous monster kidnaps Sid. Need I say any more? Whats that? I do? Alright then.

In movie one the plot was good enough to make anything scientifically inaccurate(of which there where few)so subtle that it took me years to notice them. The dinosaurs however, are way too much! They don't even look like real dinosaurs! They look like a paleontologist's drug hallucination! And why would a slow herbivore who is most likely really stupid be attacking a bunch of strange mammals( am referring to the scene when they all see the Dino-World for the first time). I think that's enough to lower the stars on this one...

Charlotte's Web (old animated version)

This movie is so whiny! Fern:"Papa! Don't kill the pig" Wilbur:"I don't wanna die!" These may look like reasonable things to whine about in type, but if you hear it in the movie you'll see what I mean. And most of the songs are cornball.

This movie is also based off a book. I don't mind movies based off of books if they are well-made, this however is terrible!

All in all, this movie is only good for keeping my little sister from destroying the house(and that's not even working anymore).

Planet 51

Since the last movie I blogged about was very good, I thought that it would be appropriate to blog about a cheesy movie now.

Why is planet 51 cheesy? You might ask, if you have seen it you might think it nothing more than a nice family movie to use to distract the kids wile you do some incredibly long and boring task that is very difficult to do if you are constantly distracted by bored whiny little kids. In that case you are WRONG!!! This movie is so cheesy that I am having a hard time even comprehending how bad it is! let me give you a list of the things that really got under my skin!

1. The "humor" was amazingly cheesy.

2.The plot was mindbogglingly familiar with that pathetic "human coming to an aliens planet" twist. Why pathetic? I see this as a sign that the movie writers were running out of ideas and one of them said " let's take an incredibly old and predictable plot that everyone has seen, tweak it here and there and make a movie out of it!" and somehow I get the feeling that that was soon followed by someone else saying "That is the perfect way to squeeze out what little money people have left into our bank accounts so I can finally buy all of those incredibly unnecessary and expensive things that I want."

3. I know that this is a bit harsh, but NOTHING in that movie was even vaguely scientifically possible! Examples: Aliens and humans speaking exactly the same language, An ordinary chemical space craft going all the way to another solar system in enough time so the astronaut wasn't dead by the time he got there,The atmosphere and gravity is similar enough to ours that an astronaut can survive without a space suit and the fact that the aliens were identical to humans in culture, language and are VERY similar to humans in physiology( think about it for a sec, how many different types of life could be out there and what are the chances of a species that similar to us?). To make a long blog short, I think this movie is worse than hot roasted poop! smell you later!

Black Hole

Hello. Once again I shall review a movie. Today’s movie is Black Hole. In my opinion Black Hole is the corniest, cheesiest movie I remember watching! The spaceships, the robots, the battle scenes, the acting- almost every thing in this movie screams cheesy! This movie has many bad unintentionally laugh-out-loud scenes, why not make a list?

1. At the beginning there was a weird thing going on where the words Black Hole were on the screen while some classical musIc was playing in the background. It just went on and on and on. After a few minutes I just fast forwarded to the MOVIE part of the movie.

2. Once I finally got to the movie everything was already cheesy, especially the part where someone (whose name I forget) communicates with the robot via E.S.P and relays back to the rest of the crew the robot’s words, “There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but never are there old bold pilots.”

3. Most of the robots on the Bad guy’s ship looked like someone in a REALLY bad version of Darth Vader’s suit that was painted pink. My exact words as I watched the movie were, “Hey look, an army of Darth Vader’s girlfriends.”

4. After the evil robot was killed in battle, if battle is the name for one guy backing up and one guy moving forward while little balls of light wiz past, he just floated up and off the screen . When the crew of the-not-bad-guy-ship was battling the robots to try and save that Woman-who’s-name-I-forget from being turned into a robot I was thinking, “Why can’t she just stop whining and bust her way out of that tinfoil?” Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she was wrapped in tinfoil on a conveyor belt moving towards a beam of light. There is a whole lot more but I’m way over my computer time as it is. Just DON’T WATCH THAT MOVIE.